To the Girl.

To the girl single on valentines day,

Another year of hoping, another year a yearning, another year of longing for someone to sweep you off your feet has come and gone. It stings to witness your friends celebrate this holiday because unlike the rest of them, community is briefly set aside to commemorate that someone special for one day. Your reminded by your strolls in department stores while peering down at cards that seem to stare right back at you with romantic fluff that expresses everything you can’t. Or you could, but because of a,b, and c it just didn't work out this time around. You scroll past photo after photo, quote after quote, with sentiments regarding love in every sort of way— reminding you that you are more alone than ever. You experience pain on this day. It reminds you of everything you don't have or yet to experience.

6E4FC01C-CBB3-4D9C-A226-244E44B3EF87.JPG

But maybe, just maybe, your not longing for someone else. Maybe you are longing to love yourself. 

This Valentine’s day, why not celebrate the divine feminine? Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you for you.” Not because you want to, but because you need too. Love can not, and will not ever work properly or successfully if the individuals maneuvering the landscape of emotional intimacy themselves do not love their entire beings first. I attended a Galantines this past weekend packed full of young promising single women “celebrating” their femininity and freedom in singleness. However, I left feeling more discouraged than ever about the youth of our women. I expected the dialogue of that night to be one of liberation and praise for females in their uprising power in our present day. Instead, I was confronted with conversations riveted with anxiety and comparison, partnered with deep seeded pain and trauma induced at the hands of men. I listened to a beautiful, intelligent young girl tell me how her relationship was merely transactional and on Valentines they didn't even have plans on seeing each other. She expressed to me the compliments he gives her on an ongoing basis: “You're hot as f*ck” the words rolled off her tongue almost as if she thought she was fooling us by her giggly domineer. I could tell she was broken. Instead of jumping to conclusions or passing judgment my first thought was this: “Who broke your heart? Who told you this is what you are worth?” I felt my heart shatter because I was this girl. 

For years, my worth was dependent upon the man’s overreaching eye. My value was based on what others told me it was. I was that girl once; numb, corse, and broken. I expected the men who took me apart in the first place to put me back together. But it doesn't work that way. 

Don’t be like me. Don’t seek out love in other people before you've learned to love yourself properly. Once you know who you are and what your worth is, the calling on your life surpasses any thought of “Who will I marry? Why am I still single? Is he the one?” You will be so focused on bettering yourself, that when it hits you, you won’t even know its coming. 

This Valentine’s day, sit down and look at your beautiful face. Your eyelashes, your smile lines, your baby hairs, your deep eyes that lead you to your heart. Look at your heart, that glorious, one-of-a-kind heart that was so preciously and maticulousley placed inside of you. Your body is a temple, and you are the royal priestess. Treat it with honor. Treat it with dignity. That heart of yours is YOURS to keep. Such a breathtaking wonder to have responsibility for something so powerful. Loving yourself will not only change the dynamic between your mind and heart but those that surround you.

Here is a song I wrote two years ago with my friend Jake. At the time I wrote it for me, He wrote it for his daughter, but today it is for you. 


To the girl with daddy's eyes and mama's smile

right now every days comes with a brand new trial

but getting back up on your feet is always worth your while

To the girl with daddy’s eyes and mama’s smile

 

To the girl who doesn’t feel she’s up to par

and only seems to see her missing parts

that mirror can’t reflect all the things inside your heart

to the girl who doesn’t feel she’s up to par

 

You are beautiful, you are kind

and this world we're in, is darker 

than, the one you'll Leave behind

You are capable, you are strong

help yourself but you’ll gain more

from the ones you help along 

You are worthy, you are loved

And There's nothing that can tear that love apart

To the girl

Who has my heart.

 

Sending you so much love today,

Carmen xoxoxo

 

Carmen Brandy